oi, its izzy :3 breathe in, chill out, and welcome to...
so what is this? 彡★
the genderfolio is a journal for me to chronicle my experiences with HRT, social transition, and trans things in general. i started writing entries on obsidian right on my first day of HRT, then thought "woah, this would make a good dopestar page" and... here we are! i hope you enjoy this silly girl's silly thoughts and anecdotes. :3
(click here to go back to the main page!)
01/07/25 - two years of hrt ✿✿
and so it seems another year has passed.
...and honestly, i'm not even sure where to begin! so much has happened since then – so much good in my life! – that hrt kind of faded into the background of day-to-day errands and duties. but it's effects certainly haven't!
for starters, it's now pretty established that i'm the proud owner of a pair of tits. like real ones. the round kind and everything. but that's old news; my whole body is chubby and tubby now! i'm really quite happy in my skin and my silhouette :) and since the big things have pretty much worked themselves out, i've been noticing the smaller ones... like stretch marks, and love handles, things like that? i don't wanna get all sappy but i do get giddy when i see myself in the mirror. good times.
but outside the world of hormones, i find myself thinking about my aesthetics less in terms of le Gender and more like, just general optics. what's my style, what do i like wearing, what do i enjoy looking like. and i've been having a lot of fun figuring that out! i discovered that i really like wearing tights and denim shorts, layering necklaces and bracelets, donning dark lipstick and eyeliner. just figuring out my character design in a way haha. it's really fun :)
emotions-wise (and life-wise, too), i'm really happy with where i'm at! it's not a crying everyday state of it, it's a crying when you need to. and seeing that i'm finally living with my girlfriend, working with that i love and just being happy, seems like i need to less and less. except when i read sad stories on the internet. 'cept for that.
* * *
also, it would seem this page has inspired at least one person to consider (and go ahead with!) transitioning/hrt... and it's actually a very dear friend of mine :] so if you're reading this, ali, well um hai!!!! it makes so so happy to know you're becoming who you want to be and it makes me so emotional to know i'm even a tiny part of that. YOU GO GIRL!!!!! sending hugz for your and yr wife too :3
well, that should be about everything! it's been a while since i wrote in here, but i'm really glad i did today. this date is really important to me, and i definitely want to write another update next year!
finally, i want to say: thank you, reader, for being here. you mean the world to me. have a good one ♡
01/07/24 - one year of hrt ✿
i am round now
and i have tits
happiest girl in the world
bark bark
15/02/24 - i took a SHOT 💥💥💥
...of ESTROGEN! gehehe >:3
so upon closer inspection of my levels (see here!), my E2 is a little low on my current regimen! that being 4mg valerate sublingual daily, 0.5mg every 6h + 12.5mg ciproterone daily (try saying that three times fast). and since i cant efford 6mg on pellets rn ;p it's time for a change in methodsss
enter: E2-EN/DHPA aka Perlutan aka Injectable-Estrogen-Valerate-Isn't-Avalaible-Where-I-Live. but! it keep your E2 high and your T low and thaz what matters babyyyy. and so, the initial plan is going 1mL every 14 days to see how that turns out then move to a weekly dose. and...
i had my first shot today! my girlfriend did it for me ♡♡♡ on my left bum (lol) and omg it felt so cool... and she's really careful and loving and i felt safe and she wants to be a nurse and :3 who better to do it than her, darlings - oh, who better to.
and uhh that's basically it! be back in ~14 days to report on the effects of intramuscular estrogen! toodles :3
16/01/24 - TWO HUNDRED DAYS OF HRT!
today, i complete 200 days of hormone replacement therapy. and... it's been fucking great so far!!! everything about my body has changed for the better really and i'm so so so glad to be on this journey and to be sharing it with you. :3
well let's address the elephants in the room. the two of them. boobs. bigging. oh my god i have like REAL boobs now! AHHH!!! they're not scary actually they're nice :D and i feel so much more comfortable in shirts and tees and just. clothes? are so much better. i'm finally read as a girl in the street. i have titties in my shadow. estrogen – my dearest loveliest chemical little thing.
and um all of my body?? changing too??? i put on some fat over the last (checks notes)... FOUR MONTHS AND A HALF HAHA oops. and like: now i have curves! and big thighs! and i think a slightly slimmer waist (though i don't care for that) and more chub on me belly and arms :3 fat redistribution. keep winning. oh apparently my skin's softer?? i can't tell, but my girlfriend says it is, and i trust her with all of my heart and life. softer skin, jot it down. oh and my hair texture's changing slightly (woaoah???)
surprising a total of zero people: i'm crying. A LOTTTT. everyday nowadays really. it's really easy to get to cry and honestly, it's really relieving. feeling your emotions is good! everyone needs a escape valve when steam builds up too much. emotional steam, i mean. gunks up all the gears. i cry a lot and honestly i'm happy about it. come at me, world !!!
aaand i think for hrt, basically that's it! a whole lotta changes in just 200 days! it's so comforting, and... freeing really, to finally be able to live with the body i always knew i wanted for myself. it helps so much. it gets better. promise ♡♡♡
oh and also i'm picking voice training back up again but i suck at doing it everyday so lmaooo ˂/3
oh x2 and I PICKED UP MY NEW BIRTH CERTIFICATE TODAY! NAME CHANGE BABEY! HOORAYYYYYYYYYYY ♡♡♡♡♡
01/09/23 - well chat... i'm completing two months on E today! thus i have deemed this day worthy a big big folio. lot's off upped ates :D
number one holy shit. i'm growing boobs. it was a possibility (read: going to happen) all along i was aware but it's actually happening now and AAAAA! I'M SO HAPPY!!! i'm around tanner stage 2? i think? they're not really hurting atm (though they have), but they're really really tender and wayyy more sensitive. my girlfriend loves them. i love them. i'm so happy i could cry :3
and speak of the devil... holy shit I'M sensitive. and emotional. wow estrogen is a hell of a hit. this week i've cried... every day but today. YET. i'm very very sensitive and prone to tears and all... to varying levels of true emotional distress – i might cry because of the deep-seated insecurities and worries of adult life, i might cry because an ant looked really really sad. who knows.
okay these are the two main effects i've been noticing! i can't say i've really seen much anything else, though three people complimented my skin and said it looks softer so uh. that seems to be happening!
anyway i'm so so so happy rn. it's still early and i've a looooooong road to go. but it seems i'm seeing some roadside attractions right now... :]
01/08/23 - changed to 1mg every six hours!
26/07/23 - changing my E distribution to be 2-1-1; 2mg in the morning, 1mg in the afternoon, 1mg in the evening. better distributed is all :]
19/07/23 - upped my dose to 4mg E! from twelve to twelve hours
15/07/23 - MY CYPRO CAME IN YESTERDAY!!! woo!!! i ordered three boxes of 50mg - 20 pills each, and considering im going to take 12.5mg daily (so i dont, yknow. get brain cancer), these are going to last me about *eight months*. so uh. what the fuck!!!
on another note though... i've been noticing my body these last couple weeks and... man, it's been such a journey up to here. and compared to last year, i'm. so so much happier with it. i got very slightly chubbier, but my thighs are bigger and fuller, and i have a nice butt (!) and stretch marks (!!!), which i love, and. a very loving girlfriend, who notices these along with me, and has been the greatest and most supportive person i could be with ♡♡♡. so this is a celebratory update. i'm happy with where i am right now, and how my body looks, and i'm so excited to go down this journey of hrt. whatever happens happens. i'm just glad to be here. :]
08/07/23 - built this page! and i'm feeling better from yesterday :D on not so feel good news, though... i was doing some research on dosages, and it seems like 1mg estradiol daily is definitely like, too low? a normal dosage should be 4mg, and a conventionally low dose is 2mg... so uh, that's definitely something :/ since i've been taking 1mg pills this week, i think i've decided to to take 2 pills daily instead... but that's going to double the cost of this whole thing, which is already not low, and aughhh. i just want this to work. i just want to not feel bad about my body anymore. why is that so hard. :(
07/07/23 - not a positive entry this time :/... woke up in the dead night feeling completely nauseous, need to vomit. all dark in the bedroom. i look down at my arms and my legs and torso and, i think i was dissociating? they didn't feel like they were mine, or even part of my body. it felt like they were different people. that thought filled my head. need to vomit. i sleep upstairs, bathroom's downstairs, and i could barely make it out of bed without tripping and falling. miraculously, i made my way to the toilet, and barfed it all out. fell asleep on the couch.
i spent the rest of the day sick, though the symptoms were more alike a common cold, so i don't think it was the E... the nausea though? after some reading, i think there's a good chance it was the estrogen.
05/07/23 - i got a cold the day before, and lost my voice to some strep throat, so me and my girlfriend spent the day talking in LIBRAS (brazilian sign language). i thought i hadnt anything funny going on... until i was bawling in the subway because i thought she wouldnt date me if i was deaf (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ ) (for the record she would). guess whats making me moody...
03/07/23 - took E in the morning, then in the afternoon my body started feeling a little funny, and i got really emotional and sensitive. i came close to crying a bunch, and kept hugging my gf (more than normal lol). could it be...??
01/07/23 - TOOK THE FIRST PILL! :D :D :D
30/06/23 - went to the doctor. we talked about my exams, my transition goals, all the stuff... he prescribed me 1mg estradiol and 25mg cyproterone daily. got the slip. bought the E!!! (pending on the blocker)
blood + hormone tests
17/03/23 ⤵
HEMÁCIAS/RBC: 5.38 mil/mm³
HEMOGLOBIN: 16.0 g/dL
HEMATOCRIT: 47.7%
TESTOSTERONE: 5.96 ng/mL
ESTRADIOL: 22 pg/mL
09/11/23 ⤵
HEMÁCIAS/RBC: 5.09 mil/mm³
HEMOGLOBIN: 15.2 g/dL
HEMATOCRIT: 46.5%
TESTOSTERONE: 0.129 ng/mL
ESTRADIOL: 59.2 pg/mL
:: 𝔅ODYℭORE ::
body mods i have - or intend to get...
★ 𝖇𝖞𝖕𝖆𝖘𝖙 ★
⤷ pierced septum (09/06/23)
⤷ hormone replacement therapy (01/07/23)
⤷ pierced first lobes (18/07/24)
⤷ tattoo: ˂/head˃ ˂body˃ (11/12/24)
⤷ tattoo: mae plays marcy's bass (11/12/24)
⤷ tattoo: AT butterflies & bees (11/12/24)
⤷ tattoo: AT snail (11/12/24)
⤷ colored hair: pastel pink (14/12/24)
⤷ pierced second lobes (13/03/25)
⤷ tattoo: fight + mercy buttons (11/06/25)
⤷ tattoo: clef heart (11/06/25)
⤷ tattoo: star semicolon (11/06/25)
★ 𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖔𝖗𝖊 ★
⤷ colored hair
⤷ pierced helix
⤷ pierced eyebrow
⤷ tattoo: stars
⤷ tattoo: estrogen
⤷ tattoo: neuter symbol
⤷ tattoo: transgender symbol
⤷ tattoo: transgender (bash lain)
⤷ tattoo: ascii art
⤷ tattoo: adventure time treehouse
⤷ tattoo: bee and puppycat
⤷ tattoo: gregg rulz ok
⤷ orchiectomy...?
my body may be a temple,
but i am the god
to whom it is devoted. ✿
